I promise that after this month (which is gonna be super full of awesome stuff) I'll post a long update.
In the meantime, enjoy this piece I wrote for my philosophy class!
I’m Homesick, but I Don’t Want to Go Home
One of the most common questions I get here- and I’m talking
weekly, if not more often- is whether or not I’m homesick. Actually, it’s not
really an if; it’s more of an of course you are, please confirm and
provide details.
I invariably respond that no, I’m not. No, really. It’s kind of an inconceivable
notion here, that I wouldn’t miss my family, or my friends, or my own bed or
what have you. And part of me is kind of scared that everyone here thinks I’m
some unfeeling monster. I’m not; it’s just that for a simple question, the
answer isn’t simple at all. I say no for the sake of time- but that’s not
the truth.
The truth is that I do miss my home. I miss the colorful
sunsets and sitting on the porch watching thunderstorms with
my dad. I miss feeling the bite of the fall wind and the crunch of fallen leaves
this time of year. I miss binge- eating low quality fast food and buttered
popcorn with my best friends on Saturday nights, and I miss driving myself to
church on Sunday mornings, sugary coffee in hand.
And yet, there is nothing inside of me- not one part- that
wants to book a flight. I want those things, and more, but I do not want them
this instant. I’m in no rush to leave this culture behind. Because in the past
3 months, I’ve built up a new list. A list of things I know I’ll miss come
July- and those I’ll miss for much longer.
I love the cleansing rainstorms and walking in the park
sharing the games of my childhood with my new friends. I love feeling the
caress of a gentle breeze and the sway of a shaded hammock this time of
year. I love eating empanadas with my
best friends on Saturday nights, and watching the sunrises on Sunday mornings,
and I love eating lunch with my host grandparents only 6 hours later, sleep
deprived but full.
When I left home, I left home for the first time in my life- my longest absence was a 10 day trip, and my family was with me. So coming here, I had no frame of reference for what homesickness felt like. I was scared that I would experience it, because I thought that being homesick meant that, well, you want to go home. And to me that sounded a lot like failing. I didn't know that you could love 2 things so completely. Since I can't rub a lamp and make a wish to smoosh these lives into one, there's only one thing I can do: embrace what I have while I have it. And right now, that's Argentina.
